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As a child, I usually found it quite fun being a girl. Growing up with two brothers had its perks: I got to do all the girly things that girls do (dressing up, playing with dolls, etc), but I also got to get dirty and do all the things that the boys did too. It was the best of both worlds. Usually.

I was raised to be a good little Haitian girl, and as such I was required to greet (“saluer“) all adults properly. “Properly” greeting a grown-up by Haitian standards means that the younger person should greet each adult in a room (or a group) individually. Boys had the pleasure of shaking hands with the men and kissing the women on the cheek. Girls had to kiss every single adult present, male and female. Oh, how I longed to be a boy in those moments!

Usually with my mom’s friends, the ritual involved said kissing followed by a sort of “Show and Tell”. I would stand there, my mom would share “important” highlights of my current life using my Haitian nickname (which by the way 90% of Haitian-Americans have): “Gigi had 2nd honors this quarter, if it wasn’t for Conduct, she would have had 1st honors; AND she’s almost the same shoe size as me!”. Her friends would respond: “It’s good to be smart, Gigi!…but you shouldn’t talk so much in class”, “Ah, li grandie!“, etc. This was usually followed by a brief “Question and Answer” session directed at me: “So…tell me…do you have a boyfriend at school?” or “Would you like if I bring over some of my old shoes?”. The whole episode was quite embarrassing.

My dad would have his friends over periodically for a good old fashion game of Dominoes. The event was somewhat akin to “Poker Night” in American culture. The players were all men. Whenever we kids had to greet them, I was so jealous of my brothers. They would saunter through the room shaking everyone’s hands and then run off to play. I, however, had to go cheek to cheek to cheek to cheek… *sigh*

I dreaded the whole scene. It took forever (compared to my brothers) to greet in this way; I wanted to run off and play too! And it wasn’t just that; I had an issue with the whole “closeness-to-people-I-don’t-know” thing. There were times I had to kiss beard stubble! (Ugh!) Sometimes the men smelled like, uh, they had a long day; other times i found that grown-ups smelled too “good” – like they took a bath in a tub of cologne or something. It didn’t take much to gross me out.

my sentiments exactly!

how i felt

I didn’t yet know about the cheek to cheek kiss, which would have helped me out a lot back then, but I did sometimes do my version of an “air kiss.” I would approach the adult whom I had deemed gross for whatever reason, and ACT like I planted a kiss on their cheek, but never actually made contact at all. I’m not sure if they noticed it or not, but I thought I was pretty slick since it never came back to haunt me.

Today, I believe the rules are still the same in the Haitian culture. I still greet older Haitians with an actual kiss on the cheek (I’ve outgrown the air kiss). My tolerance level has improved, I suppose, because I don’t find it to be such a chore anymore. Occasionally, I’ll implement the cheek to cheek kiss, but kissing to greet my Haitian elders has become natural for me.

My (half-Haitian, half-American) kids greet people according to the cultural norms that the person being greeted is used to. My children are required to “saluer” all Haitian adults Haitian-style ( I don’t really require them to do this for first generation Haitian adults, though, as it is not really the American way). This requirement, however, does not hold true for American adults (although, they are required to kiss American family). When kissing is required of them, my boys have been taught to shake the hands of men (look them in the eye, and give a firm shake), and kiss the cheeks of women; and my daughter has been taught to kiss the cheeks of both women and men. When they don’t have to kiss, they are expected to speak – there is still some form of greeting that goes on. And I admit: I have, at times, been guilty of using my kids for “Show and Tell”. Sue me.

If you asked me as a child, I would have told you that my kids would never have to kiss anyone ever; and that I would never ever use them as the subject for “Show and Tell”, but maturity changes things. I hope that my daughter doesn’t dread this ritual as I did. But, hey, at least she has far fewer people to kiss…and like me, she will survive it.

we all survive it in the end

Did you have to “saluer” like I did growing up? Were you often a “Show and Tell” item? Did you mind any of it? What do you require of your children when greeting your family and friends?

 

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As a child, I usually found it quite fun being a girl. Growing up with two brothers had its perks: I got to do all the girly things that girls do (dressing up, playing with dolls, etc), but I also got to get dirty and do all the things that the boys did too. It was the best of both worlds. Usually.

I was raised to be a good little Haitian girl, and as such I was required to greet (“saluer“) all adults properly. “Properly” greeting a grown-up by Haitian standards means that the younger person should greet each adult in a room (or a group) individually. Boys had the pleasure of shaking hands with the men and kissing the women on the cheek. Girls had to kiss every single adult present, male and female. Oh, how I longed to be a boy in those moments!

Usually with my mom’s friends, the ritual involved said kissing followed by a sort of “Show and Tell”. I would stand there, my mom would share “important” highlights of my current life using my Haitian nickname (which by the way 90% of Haitian-Americans have): “Gigi had 2nd honors this quarter, if it wasn’t for Conduct, she would have had 1st honors; AND she’s almost the same shoe size as me!”. Her friends would respond: “It’s good to be smart, Gigi!…but you shouldn’t talk so much in class”, “Ah, li grandie!“, etc. This was usually followed by a brief “Question and Answer” session directed at me: “So…tell me…do you have a boyfriend at school?” or “Would you like if I bring over some of my old shoes?”. The whole episode was quite embarrassing.

My dad would have his friends over periodically for a good old fashion game of Dominoes. The event was somewhat akin to “Poker Night” in American culture. The players were all men. Whenever we kids had to greet them, I was so jealous of my brothers. They would saunter through the room shaking everyone’s hands and then run off to play. I, however, had to go cheek to cheek to cheek to cheek… *sigh*

I dreaded the whole scene. It took forever (compared to my brothers) to greet in this way; I wanted to run off and play too! And it wasn’t just that; I had an issue with the whole “closeness-to-people-I-don’t-know” thing. There were times I had to kiss beard stubble! (Ugh!) Sometimes the men smelled like, uh, they had a long day; other times i found that grown-ups smelled too “good” – like they took a bath in a tub of cologne or something. It didn’t take much to gross me out.

my sentiments exactly!

how i felt

I didn’t yet know about the cheek to cheek kiss, which would have helped me out a lot back then, but I did sometimes do my version of an “air kiss.” I would approach the adult whom I had deemed gross for whatever reason, and ACT like I planted a kiss on their cheek, but never actually made contact at all. I’m not sure if they noticed it or not, but I thought I was pretty slick since it never came back to haunt me.

Today, I believe the rules are still the same in the Haitian culture. I still greet older Haitians with an actual kiss on the cheek (I’ve outgrown the air kiss). My tolerance level has improved, I suppose, because I don’t find it to be such a chore anymore. Occasionally, I’ll implement the cheek to cheek kiss, but kissing to greet my Haitian elders has become natural for me.

My (half-Haitian, half-American) kids greet people according to the cultural norms that the person being greeted is used to. My children are required to “saluer” all Haitian adults Haitian-style ( I don’t really require them to do this for first generation Haitian adults, though, as it is not really the American way). This requirement, however, does not hold true for American adults (although, they are required to kiss American family). When kissing is required of them, my boys have been taught to shake the hands of men (look them in the eye, and give a firm shake), and kiss the cheeks of women; and my daughter has been taught to kiss the cheeks of both women and men. When they don’t have to kiss, they are expected to speak – there is still some form of greeting that goes on. And I admit: I have, at times, been guilty of using my kids for “Show and Tell”. Sue me.

If you asked me as a child, I would have told you that my kids would never have to kiss anyone ever; and that I would never ever use them as the subject for “Show and Tell”, but maturity changes things. I hope that my daughter doesn’t dread this ritual as I did. But, hey, at least she has far fewer people to kiss…and like me, she will survive it.

we all survive it in the end

Did you have to “saluer” like I did growing up? Were you often a “Show and Tell” item? Did you mind any of it? What do you require of your children when greeting your family and friends?

Read Full Post »

As a child, I usually found it quite fun being a girl. Growing up with two brothers had its perks: I got to do all the girly things that girls do (dressing up, playing with dolls, etc), but I also got to get dirty and do all the things that the boys did too. It was the best of both worlds. Usually.

I was raised to be a good little Haitian girl, and as such I was required to greet (“saluer“) all adults properly. “Properly” greeting a grown-up by Haitian standards means that the younger person should greet each adult in a room (or a group) individually. Boys had the pleasure of shaking hands with the men and kissing the women on the cheek. Girls had to kiss every single adult present, male and female. Oh, how I longed to be a boy in those moments!

Usually with my mom’s friends, the ritual involved said kissing followed by a sort of “Show and Tell”. I would stand there, my mom would share “important” highlights of my current life using my Haitian nickname (which by the way 90% of Haitian-Americans have): “Gigi had 2nd honors this quarter, if it wasn’t for Conduct, she would have had 1st honors; AND she’s almost the same shoe size as me!”. Her friends would respond: “It’s good to be smart, Gigi!…but you shouldn’t talk so much in class”, “Ah, li grandie!“, etc. This was usually followed by a brief “Question and Answer” session directed at me: “So…tell me…do you have a boyfriend at school?” or “Would you like if I bring over some of my old shoes?”. The whole episode was quite embarrassing.

My dad would have his friends over periodically for a good old fashion game of Dominoes. The event was somewhat akin to “Poker Night” in American culture. The players were all men. Whenever we kids had to greet them, I was so jealous of my brothers. They would saunter through the room shaking everyone’s hands and then run off to play. I, however, had to go cheek to cheek to cheek to cheek… *sigh*

I dreaded the whole scene. It took forever (compared to my brothers) to greet in this way; I wanted to run off and play too! And it wasn’t just that; I had an issue with the whole “closeness-to-people-I-don’t-know” thing. There were times I had to kiss beard stubble! (Ugh!) Sometimes the men smelled like, uh, they had a long day; other times i found that grown-ups smelled too “good” – like they took a bath in a tub of cologne or something. It didn’t take much to gross me out.

my sentiments exactly!

how i felt

I didn’t yet know about the cheek to cheek kiss, which would have helped me out a lot back then, but I did sometimes do my version of an “air kiss.” I would approach the adult whom I had deemed gross for whatever reason, and ACT like I planted a kiss on their cheek, but never actually made contact at all. I’m not sure if they noticed it or not, but I thought I was pretty slick since it never came back to haunt me.

Today, I believe the rules are still the same in the Haitian culture. I still greet older Haitians with an actual kiss on the cheek (I’ve outgrown the air kiss). My tolerance level has improved, I suppose, because I don’t find it to be such a chore anymore. Occasionally, I’ll implement the cheek to cheek kiss, but kissing to greet my Haitian elders has become natural for me.

My (half-Haitian, half-American) kids greet people according to the cultural norms that the person being greeted is used to. My children are required to “saluer” all Haitian adults Haitian-style ( I don’t really require them to do this for first generation Haitian adults, though, as it is not really the American way). This requirement, however, does not hold true for American adults (although, they are required to kiss American family). When kissing is required of them, my boys have been taught to shake the hands of men (look them in the eye, and give a firm shake), and kiss the cheeks of women; and my daughter has been taught to kiss the cheeks of both women and men. When they don’t have to kiss, they are expected to speak – there is still some form of greeting that goes on. And I admit: I have, at times, been guilty of using my kids for “Show and Tell”. Sue me.

If you asked me as a child, I would have told you that my kids would never have to kiss anyone ever; and that I would never ever use them as the subject for “Show and Tell”, but maturity changes things. I hope that my daughter doesn’t dread this ritual as I did. But, hey, at least she has far fewer people to kiss…and like me, she will survive it.

we all survive it in the end

Did you have to “saluer” like I did growing up? Were you often a “Show and Tell” item? Did you mind any of it? What do you require of your children when greeting your family and friends?

Read Full Post »